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Why I’m Not Your Typical Fitness Guru

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Week #37 of 2015

Sorry this is late! Just drove 20 hours to Disneyland. 🙂

Sept 6

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If you follow me on Instagram I have been posting pictures of a challenge Blogilates is hosting. This specific day was people that inspire us. I forgot Demi Lovato and a few other people, but this is the picture I made.

Sept 7

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Another picture for the challenge, but taken on my way to my best friend’s birthday.

Sept 8

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We drove back home but had to stop at Johnny Rockets for the nostalgia.

Sept 9

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Pink is my color

Sept 10

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I practiced my Dapper Day stuff and sent my mom the pictures. She sent me the one back of her and I thought it was funny that we have worn almost the exact same outfit.

Sept 11

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I’ve been doing a lot of HIIT workouts lately, so this was a sweaty selfie.

Sept 12

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I got my first Ipsy bag! I love everything and may have taken all of it with me on the road trip.

Week #33 of 2015

I totally forgot to post this yesterday!

August 9

IMG_1986I started watching Ouran Host Club on Sunday. Yes, I am an anime nerd, but I hadn’t seen this one before, which is stupid because it’s fairly popular and I love it.

August 10

IMG_1989I took this picture in snapchat with the caption “we wear red cause we won’t survive” because our job has literally been slowly killing us, but I thought it was a good picture of us so I cropped it and put it on my instagram.

August 11

IMG_1990Feet up the wall because it helps drain the lactic acid back into your body and it was leg day, so I needed it. It helped. I wasn’t so sore that I couldn’t bend over the next day, but sore enough to be satisfied.

August 12

IMG_1991The sunrise was dim and cool and it made me think of fall. I am so ready, you guys. I am over summer. Especially with all the wildfires nearby.

August 13

IMG_1996It was the Actor’s birthday so we all went out to celebrate with some friends. It was a fun night. I don’t have a selfie stick so my short little arms had to do. It turned out okay.

August 14

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Friday was nice. I took my first shift off so I didn’t have to get up too terribly early. Work was incredibly slow so I doodled and then we ended the night with wine and 22 Jumpstreet, one of the movies I got the Actor for his birthday.

August 15

IMG_2003I took these on Saturday because I was admiring my leg progress. I finish Crush60 on Saturday and I’m really happy overall with my results. Once my gym opens back up I’m going to repeat it, but I have to take a week off because that’s how long it’s shutting down. I’ll probably take Sunday off and then if we go visit family I’ll go for morning runs. It’s too smoky here to do it outside, but on the other side of the mountains it’s probably fine.

How was your week?

Will it Never be Easy?

On March 25, 2014 I will have been in recovery for four years. In that time I will have regained the weight I lost, found and developed a lasting, healthy relationship with fitness (this includes diet and exercise), graduated high school, gone to college, started my major, gotten married, started a new (hopefully) lifelong career, gotten my first (and maybe second) tattoo, and just grown overall as person. Part of me expects that since four years will have gone by that all this should be easy now. I shouldn’t have any trouble eating enough to live and meet my current fitness goals. I shouldn’t have any trouble making sure I don’t over-exercise. I shouldn’t get so depressed all the time!

That’s impossible, though. More and more evidence is coming out to prove what I suspected all along: eating disorders are genetic, meaning they are caused by a genetic mutation and not by society, although society can help push it’s development. There is something wrong with the way my body processes hormones or whatever that makes me depressed and anorexic. There is no pill to make my body do things correctly. There is not a cure that exists today that would make my body function the way a normal person’s does, which is why I will always face this. I will always have bouts of deep depression that I find extremely difficult to manage. I will always have that little voice in the back of my head nagging at me and telling me that I’m fat.

It might get easier at times. There might be moments when I feel great, like how I did in late September and a few weeks ago. There will also be times when it gets hard. Lately it’s just been the depression. I can still eat, and I exercise a fair amount. I can’t do too much right now so I can let my tattoo heal (see it on my Instagram: ajamontana). I’ve just been really depressed for the past week. I’m realizing that I was happy and able to manage it with the Actor’s help while we were dating, but now that we’re married our dynamic is different and I cannot keep expecting him to bandage me up whenever I’m broken. I need to learn how to bandage myself.

I don’t think it will ever be completely easy. I know that my depression and anorexia will never completely be gone. However, I do know that as I continue to grow and age and learn, things will become easier, and that’s okay.

(Also, thank you to The Slender Grapefruit for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award! I think I’ve gotten it a few times before, and I’d taken down my “awards” page a while ago. I’ll do the 7 random things next post.)

What Happened To August?

So my August has been one wild roller coaster ride. I’ve been home for maybe 10 days of this month. Maybe. My mom has gotten so much better in the past few days. She was discharged on Friday and I went to stay with her that day and just got back home today. I did have a little fun while I was there, though. I participated in Seattle’s SlutWalk with the Actor and one of my best friends and had a lot of fun. Unfortunately we’re not really close to achieving what we walked for according to this article. Pathetic. My mom’s insurance also told her they wouldn’t pay for some things that were necessary for her to keep living because “certain conditions needed to be met for it to be covered” and they all were. Also pathetic. But she’s fighting them, and in two weeks will have her final procedure done and we can put this all behind us.

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Totally just noticed the red head photobombing.

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You can see my friend and her awesome dog next to me. Not too great a picture, and I knew I needed lipstick!

My little brother is one year older, and one year closer to his learner’s permit if he decides to learn right away. I certainly didn’t want to, but my mom insisted and now I’m really glad I know how to drive.

We ate lunch at this adorable bakery just down the street from our wedding venue.

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I had this pesto minestrone soup which was really good. We did a lot of walking around Seattle, and after leaving the SlutWalk it was really awkward to walk around in that top. I owned it though.

So next up is September, and at the end of September I start a new shift at work, begin Fall Quarter classes, and have another birthday. It’s a little scary to be getting older now, especially after learning about all the fun diseases I’m predisposed to get on top of the two I’m already diagnosed with. But my birthday is also the first day of classes and auditions so I’ll go to gym, class, work, and then go home and go to sleep while the Actor goes to an audition so no big. In other news I got my first smartphone so I now have an Instagram which I hate, but I don’t use stupid filters. My pictures are crappy and I don’t pretend otherwise. There are just so many giveaways I want to enter that require you to have an Instagram! But if you go check on mine (ajamontana) you’ll notice that I’ve put up a picture of Olive Garden’s Pumpkin Cheesecake! It’s almost autumn and I cannot wait! It’s my favorite season.

August is over. I know we have a couple days left but it’s basically over. I hope that September isn’t as shitty.