Happy Christmas

Is 2016 over yet?

I have been doing nothing but working my butt off since April. My average week consists of 5-6 work days at 10-16 hours each day. Thursday night into Friday I have 6 hours between shifts so I got about 3 hours of sleep and had to work 16 hours on Friday. Suffice it to say I. Am. Exhausted.

But other than working a lot, I had been looking forward to Christmas, and since I have to work Christmas Day, my family had Christmas today.

It’s not the first year we’ve done it on Christmas Eve, but it’s the first we’ve done it out of necessity instead of excitement and impatience. I slept for about 12 hours, got up, worked out, then headed over to my mom’s.

My angsty teenage little brother sat on the couch glued to his phone while my mom and I ate pizza and caught up and then we opened gifts.

I don’t like that as we grow older the magic in our lives just disappears. Christmas used to be a sparkly, warm, magical time that I like to relive in classic movies and perfect photographs, but in reality it’s not the same as it was when we were 3. The little bit that’s left is in those traditions. Pizza as our Christmas dinner, watching A Christmas Story on repeat on TBS, watching the Disney Christmas Parade (I was there for the filming this year!!!), and eating cinnamon rolls for Christmas breakfast (mine are in the fridge waiting for morning).

No, Christmas isn’t the same as when I was 3, but 20 years later I’m still in love with the colorful lights, the movies and food, the traditions, and of course getting to spend time with my family and friends. I can’t believe how many people think of me to wish a Happy Christmas to and even get me a gift.

I hope that you all have a happy Christmas and take a moment to just breathe in the moments you’re spending with family.

Week #21 of 2015

May 17

IMG_1413This is kind of the week of selfies. I didn’t even notice until I was uploading all the pictures just how many I took. Not sure how I feel about that.

Sunday was my typical lazy Sunday, except for the gym.

Sunday workout: 6.5 mile run while watching Legally Blonde

May 18

IMG_1415I was very happy with my makeup Monday morning. I felt like actually looking nice that day, for no reason. Sometimes doing a bit of a makeover is nice.

Monday workout: leg day!!

May 19

IMG_1418

You’ve already seen this picture. I tried to take pictures of my food on Tuesday, but after lunch I didn’t really take any more.

Tuesday workout: pull day

May 20

IMG_1420Wednesday was a fairly relaxing day. I really should have spent it preparing for my upcoming finals, but ending up not doing that. I went to Zumba and that was about it. I did get my teeth cleaned. I had about a bazillion x-rays taken, and the most painful teeth cleaning I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ll be going back to them again. I’ll stick with the dentist in my hometown, even though it is a 2 hour drive.

Wednesday workout: Blogilates abs + Zumba

May 21

IMG_1423On Thursday the dress I’m going to wear to my “graduation ceremony” and the Actor’s came in the mail. It’s kind of a weird feeling because I’m very excited to graduate and do all this, but also know that I won’t be actually graduating until December. So it’s like exciting and disappointing and frustrating at the same time.

Thursday workout: deadlift day + HIIT cardio!

May 22

IMG_1426On Friday I worked a double shift and then got to go to another doctor! This was a painful-ish visit but I expected it to be, so there’s nothing I can do about that. It was my yearly OB/GYN visit, and they checked my IUD as well. It’s been a year, and everything was good. Then I went to the gym, did homework, did laundry, and saw Tomorrowland with the Actor.

Friday workout: push day + HIIT cardio

May 23

IMG_1427Yesterday was a really fun day. We got lunch with my in-laws, then went to a friend’s house for hot dogs and games before a big birthday party, then we went to the party, and at the end of the night after being up WAYY past my bedtime I took this selfie. Struggling to stay awake, but it was a really great night. Side note, my forehead is super awkward.

Saturday workout: HIIT cardio

How was your week? 

Finding Myself

Something happened after I got married.

I started to discover who I was. I wasn’t required to be someone else anymore. And maybe that is weird to say so let me back up a tad:

My parents are separated/divorced. When I was 9 my mother turned me against my father by making me her confidant. He was there sporadically and she was working graveyard shifts, so I remember many mornings making breakfast and lunch for myself and my 3-year-old little brother. I became the built-in-babysitter and I always resented that. She was also overprotective to the highest degree and super paranoid. She vented to me. I couldn’t breathe a word of it to my brother, and my friends didn’t understand.

I had to be someone who could take care of the baby and gossip and complain. I had to keep my brother alive and happy and I had to keep my mother happy. Add three different mental illnesses to that and you get the girl I used to be. I don’t even know who she was. I never had my own opinions. I was terrified of speaking. I did whatever anyone else wanted. I still do that to an extent. I also still apologize for existing, but I am a lot better about doing what I want and feeling important now.

It wasn’t until I was officially moved out and independent that I was able to come out, and my mom still doesn’t know. I don’t think she would disown me, I just don’t want to have that conversation.

When we went to Disneyland with her I had a terrible time of trying to keep her happy while also keeping my husband happy while trying to keep my little brother happy while also trying to have fun myself. That’s too many people to try to keep happy! It was actually probably the worst vacation I have ever gone on. We got to go on a lot of rides, but just going to a special lunch with my husband set my mom off in the weirdest way so that she wouldn’t even see us the rest of the day. That really upset me because I was never supposed to upset her. I was supposed to always be there for her; to always comfort her.

It is so cliché to say you’re finding yourself in your 20’s, but I am. Being free from my mother’s influence has allowed me to actually start to become a person instead of this thing she can complain to and play dress-up with. As this is being published I am in a counseling session. I was in counseling last year until August when my counselor’s time at the college was up and she left. I just never went back for an appointment until a few days ago. I obviously can’t deal with everything alone, but hopefully this will help.

Countdown to Disney

DSCN0946Spring Quarter started last week, so we are in the second week now. So far it’s not going terribly. It’s kind of neutral.

However, I am already ready for summer! I’m going to be applying for a different job on campus that will give me more hours so we can save up for the big move after graduation and also the road trip to Disneyland we’re taking for the fall Dapper Day in September and to become a little bit more familiar with the area. So all I can think about right now is going to Disneyland. I can hardly believe I’m going to live near it in 9 months.

Needless to say, I am terrified. It’s a huge change, and the last time I made a move that big I was still an only child and my parents did everything.

But it is still 9 months away. Right now I just need to plan for Dapper Day!

Sorry this post is kind of pointless. My opening work schedule plus classes plus meds that make me exhausted all the time is kind of a terrible combination. Thank goodness for the backspace button because I can barely type right now. Maybe it’s time for bed.

I think I write a post like this once a year. Here is the trip report I wrote on my old blog. I am just really excited to go because it is the ultimate escape from the world, and I definitely need one to be able to power through my final quarter of college in the fall. I’m also looking forward to taking a trip with just my husband. Going with my mom and brother was nice, but it made me realize how much of myself I sacrificed. More on that later…

Have you ever been to Disneyland? What is your favorite ride?

 

Christmas 2014

I am very disappointed in myself for not taking more pictures this Christmas, but I was having fun enjoying the moment, so I guess memories will have to suffice. I just hope I don’t forget them.

We drove over to the coast where our families live on Christmas Eve Eve and we have been staying with my in-laws. Every year on Christmas Eve my mom and brother get together with the Actor’s family for dinner and gifts and general fun. I made cookies, and so did my father-in-law so there were plenty of sweets to go around. I’d post a picture but I ate them all.

My mom brought wine and lasagne and we all sat at the table eating delicious food and drinking, well, all but two of us who are still underage: the little brothers. I’d never had wine before, but I didn’t mind it, and it made the night more fun, I think. I don’t often drink, so one small glass is enough for me. The Actor let me try a sip of his rum and eggnog and I liked it, but since one drink gets a good buzz going, I didn’t want to risk it with two.

We opened presents and had cookies for dessert and it was all just really fun. I got these two great fitness related presents

I can’t wait to go back home so I can try out the Zumba game. I like the fitbit so far. It’s definitely keeping me more active while I’m on vacation and away from a gym.

I spent Christmas Day with my family. We went to see Into The Woods, which was amazing. Meryl Streep is queen. Then we went back to my mom’s house and had dinner and just chatted while I bothered my cat. I miss her.

It’s been a really relaxing holiday season. I am not looking forward to classes starting up again, but 2015 brings my last year ever at university. This time next year I’ll have graduated and we’ll be moving far away from our college town. It’s all really exciting and scary, so I’m definitely enjoying this last winter break with no responsibilities for the moment.

I’ve been keeping active with lots of bodyweight exercises and yoga and Zumba. I am finally over my bronchitis, and the Actor is getting better, too. That hung on for a ridiculously long time and I’m just happy it’s over. I was pretty miserable when I was sick and couldn’t work out much. Yoga is actually good for you when you have bronchitis, but for about four days I didn’t have the energy to do anything other than lie on the couch. The break was necessary, though, and I’m glad it’s over.

I hope you had a good Christmas if you celebrate it. We were able to celebrate the last night of Hanukkah with family, too. Get ready for the new year!

Healthy Holiday Guide Part 5: Breathe

Well, we made it. Tonight is the last night of Hanukkah and also Christmas Eve. Tonight my family will all get together for a big fun dinner with lots of cookies and pastas and other carbs and fats and what have you. Whatever you do tonight make it about who you’re with and not the food. Sure, the food is delicious, it’s food, and holiday food at that, but that’s not why you’ve all gathered. Maybe everyone looks forward to Grandma’s roast every year, or your Uncle Steve’s weirdly delicious mashed potatoes, but what about Grandma and Uncle Steve? Fill your plate but take more time mentally recording what is happening around you than what you’re putting in your mouth. Savor the taste, definitely, but don’t stress about it.

When things get too stressful return to your breath. Take just a minute to sit back and take some deep breaths. Try to come back to your center, breathe, and then come back to the present moment.

Enjoy your food. Enjoy your family and friends. Breathe. And know that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day only happen once a year. Try not to stress too much and try to have fun. If you have a bad day, I’m sorry, but try to breathe through it. So much of life comes down to just breathing. Take a step back and breathe when things get too stressful. You’ll be surprised how much it can help.

So that about wraps up the holiday guide. Check the “healthy holiday guide” tag for all of the posts, and prepare for the new year!

Happy Christmas, everyone!

Thinking Out Loud

1. My astigmatism is really acting up with that #thinkingoutloud button there. I really should wear my glasses more often but I like to challenge myself and see just how much I can see before I need to put them on. It’s a weird thing I do.

2. My only class for the day was cancelled so yesterday was my last day of classes. Now I just have to get through 2 days of finals next week and I will be officially done with this quarter. My last day of work is next Friday. I wish it was tomorrow, but I also need money.

3. I finally bought the ingredients to make cookies for all the upcoming holiday parties! My father-in-law is the holiday cookie master so I just make these for now. Maybe when I have kids in the far, far, far future I’ll add more.

4. We’re going to a show tonight. The CWU Theater Ensemble Red Curtain Revue. It’s always a fun night, and since my husband, the Actor as I refer to him on here, is a theater major we’re friends with pretty much the entire cast. I have to say it’s really different watching a performance when you know the cast instead of not knowing it. It’s more exciting because you get to see how their endless rehearsals have paid off.

5. I went to the last Wednesday Zumba class of the quarter last night. They were giving out cookies afterward. I gave mine to the Actor.

6. Today marks the first day of Ware Fair (fare?) at my university where local crafts people set up booths to sell their things for the holidays. It’s always really nice and I never actually buy anything, but they decorate the student union building for it which is always nice. I just wish they’d leave it up through finals week so we can have something pretty to look at and de-stress.

7. I have to walk down to the gym in a few minutes to get my workout and yoga in for the day. I’m probably gonna have this song on repeat on my iPod while I walk down there.

8. I cannot wait to be on break so I can get back to writing again. I am a self-professed dancer, lifter, and yogi, but I have also always been a writer and I am getting my BA in screenwriting. It’s just another one of those things I’m really passionate about.

This has been a Thinking Out Loud post. Tell me what’s on your mind!