I’ve posted about this a few times since getting divorced. It’s not that much seeing as I still don’t blog that often, but it’s still kind of embarrassing to me. Still, though, this is my blog and I can post whatever the fuck I want on it.
I was with the Actor since I was a youngin’ in high school. I haven’t been single very long since then, about a year now almost. A year ago I was crying on my mom’s couch telling her “I think I’m going to get divorced” and she was great at holding back the I-told-you-so’s. And I have very much enjoyed my almost year alone. But I still miss the idea of having someone to be intimate with. I’m not talking sexually, though that is nice, but I mean someone you can show your entire self to and enjoy their entire self. That silly you you do in front of the mirror or when you’re home alone. It’s nice to share that with someone. Right now I just have my cat Luna who is more or less irritated by my true self and prefers it when I sit quietly and binge watch Netflix while drinking an entire bottle of wine or 6-pack of beer. I usually pass out and she has a warm, quiet place to sleep. Until I wake up. She’s furry and cute but we don’t exactly have the best conversations.
“Are you hungry?” MEOW. “What did you do today?” MEOW. “Did you miss me?” JUST FEED ME!
Still, though, I’m not really up for actively pursuing anything at the moment. I’ve got plans for the next year that require absolute flexibility, and Luna is already enough of a challenge. I want to move out of state, preferrably to California though the low rent costs have me considering Las Vegas or the surrounding area right now. I want to quit my job and really pursue something I actually enjoy and that doesn’t turn my soul an even darker shade of black than I thought existed (customer service is a killer).
But I haven’t given up yet on the idea of love, and maybe that’s foolish and naive of me, and maybe one day I’ll learn the hard truth but for now I’m happy believeing that maybe one day I can find someone I can be happy with and love until I breathe my last breath.
I’ll be honest and say I would regret it if I died having never dated anyone after my ex husband, but, then again, I would be dead. What would I care?
Maybe one day I’ll start a post with the cliche “I’ve met someone,” and maybe it’ll be several posts, or maybe just a few, or one. That’s the fun of life, though, I suppose, the adventure in all of the relationships you have with people. Right now I’m enjoying the relationship I have with myself, but I look forward to the day when I have one with a special someone else.