Thinking Out Loud #27

1. It’s been too long since I did this thinking out loud thing…

2. Being an adult is hard.

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3. But it has it’s perks, like taking impromptu road trips with my bestie and her dog where we slept in her car in a Walmart parking lot, drove to a beach, and got burgers and wine/cider before making the trek back home.

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4. It also means I can just bring home a cat from the shelter whenever I feel like it, like this fluffy baby who is finally getting used to her new home and has quite a lot of energy.

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I named her Luna, which was completely unintentional. She was named Moon and I decided Luna sounded nicer, then I remembered Luna Lovegood, and then I remembered the black cat from Sailor Moon is also named Luna so, ta-da. She’s my multi-fandom cat.

5. But, being an adult also means that you can’t just break down and cry while you’re working when a customer tells you that Alan Rickman has died. I knew his work in Sense and Sensibility, Love Actually, Galaxy Quest, Alice in Wonderland, Sweeney Todd, and of course Harry Potter. Since I watch Love Actually about 5 times every holiday season and marathon Harry Potter at least twice a year, and Galaxy Quest was a weird favorite of young Jade’s, I took the news fairly hard. Thanks, 2016, not even halfway into January and we love David Bowie and Alan Rickman. Rest in peace great ones.

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6. On a lighter note, being an adult also means you have the freedom to chase your dreams. Which is why I work part time as a barista now, and the rest of the time I’m dedicating to blogging, vlogging, and writing my books. I’m 22. I am young but I can’t let that be an excuse to put off doing what I want. So expect more blogs, vlogs, road trips to fun places, and me probably living off of frozen fruits and veggies cause they’re cheap and I’m poor.

I think that’s where I’m gonna leave it today. Planning a vlog for tomorrow and a more thorough video introducing Luna to the internet. Later friends!

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What Now?

(This is kind of a thinking out loud post)

I didn’t go out and celebrate last night. I saw the last play of the year at my university, went over to a friend’s and listened to them shout about the theater department, and then I walked home in the ice and snow and somehow only slipped once. I studied my Japanese until I was too tired to think and went to sleep.

But not before completely freaking out.

Buzzfeed had a thing on Snapchat about what our student loans could pay for. 353 day passes to Disneyland, a cruise around the world twice, etc. And here I am with a degree I don’t even know what to do with.

I realized the other day what I want to do with my life, but it’s not very lucrative, and I keep thinking I need to find something else I can be at least semi happy with while making a lot of money. And then I think, well, you have to chase your dreams. But I have to live, too.

My new apartment costs twice as much as the one I’m in now. For twice the size and extra amenities, yes, but it’s still money. I have to start paying off my student loans soon. My new job is only scheduling me for 16hrs/week currently and for some reason won’t accept that I’ve updated my availability to 24/7.

Someone asked me the other when I’m supposed to start applying for “real” jobs that pertain to my degree. I’m a film major. I’m basically screwed. But I would have been just as screwed if I kept my English major. At least I got to watch movies for homework instead of reading ridiculously old books.

My whole life has been me trying and giving up at things. The only things I ever succeeded in turned out to be life threatening.

I don’t know what I want. I mean, I do, but my anxiety right now has more power over me than my desire to reach my goals. I keep thinking I should get on meds, but I need money for that because my insurance is terrible, and I need a job for money.

I know what I want. I want to know what it’s like to be normal and not have mental disorders run absolutely everything you do.

Thinking Out Loud #25

Thursdays are for thinking out loud! So that’s what I’m gonna do.

1. If you’ve never heard of Fresh Baked Disney you should check them out. I went 3 weeks without watching their videos and I finally got back into them this week and it just brings a little joy and magic to my day.

2. Now that classes have picked up and it’s been a few weeks the quarter is starting to feel normal and I’m getting used to a routine. Which means I’m finding all my free time.

3. Which might go out the window next weekend because I have 3 Pure Romance parties which means a lot of paperwork post parties.

4. But this weekend I have regular parties, and I am so glad that it is almost Friday.

5. I want to buy hoops for my nose sine the piercings have finally healed up and I can change the jewelry, but I also have to wait until I get paid, and then when I get paid again at the PR parties, and I also have to buy the rest of my Halloween costume.

6. The Actor and I are going as Marty McFly and Jennifer Parker because it’s 2015! I’m also dressing up on October 21st because that was the date he travelled to. I’ve been planning this for over a year.

7. My downstairs neighbors keep smoking and it keeps drifting into my apartment. I cannot wait to move out.

Those are my thoughts other than what I have to do today which is boring so I’ll spare you.

Thinking Out Loud #24

Thursdays are for thinking out loud!

And boy do I have some thoughts.

Right now they are mostly about eating and sleeping…

My final quarter of college started yesterday. I had one class on campus, though now I have two because I needed one more credit so I’m taking a yoga class at 8am on Mondays and Wednesdays. So far I’ve read an entire screenplay and have to write an 8 page short that I have no ideas for and I have until Monday, which isn’t very long but I’m sure I can do it. Maybe. I hope.

I also have to write an outline for a feature length film by Tuesday. Thankfully I have the idea and it kind of mapped out so once I actually start on that it shouldn’t take long.

I also got a second job on Monday! I am now a Pure Romance consultant, and I have 3 parties next week. My pop the box party and two launch parties where I will hopefully book some real parties because I’m poor and would love to get started on this. It’s really cool because it’s not just about makeup, it’s about education and breaking stigma. We like to pretend that sex isn’t a thing and censor it a lot, and a lot of times sex ed doesn’t go as far as it needs to so a lot of people go out into the world knowing only what movies tell them, which also is not much and most of it not real. Also, the products are awesome. If you live in the Seattle or CWU area and would like to book a party then shoot me a message or click my website. You can also order online through my website: here it is!

So, I’m tackling a lot of stuff and keep thinking, wow, a week ago I was in Disneyland where everything was chill and fun and relaxing. I miss it. I wanna go back. As of right now I have no idea when I’ll be going back. We plan on our next vacation being Hawaii, so it might be a year or two before I return to Disneyland, which makes me sad.

Tomorrow is also my birthday! I have to work, but I’m getting lunch with my mom and then dinner with some friends and drinks with more friends! I was planning on having a birthday week where I just celebrate all week doing little things, but so far I’ve bought myself a mocha and that’s it. Well, I also bought Crush at Home which I love. I go to the gym because I only have 5 lb dumbbells at home and no cardio equipment, and it’s super intense. I need a sweat towel every day I do the program. Maybe I’ll do Mass Effect next and have done all of the Crush programs!

So this was a lot of thinking out loud with no real purpose. Ta-da! Happy Autumn, by the way. The best season.

Thinking Out Loud #23: The Disney Version

Thursdays are for thinking out loud!

1. I am going on a road trip to Disneyland in 4 days! I have to go to school immediately following, but let’s not think about that!

2. Not only am I just going to Disneyland, but we are going for the fall Dapper Day soiree!

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Which means we get to dress up all fancy like it’s 1955, or some other decade of the past when people dressed fancy to go places. I’ve got my dress, my shoes, my makeup, and currently my hair is in pin curls for practice round 2.

3. But that isn’t until Friday the 18th, and we are leaving on Monday so there will be almost an entire week of just adventure. I’ve never gone on a road trip without my parents, and usually then it was because we were moving and not really doing anything super fun. So this is going to be an adventure.

4. This year is Disneyland’s 60th anniversary so it’s all decked out with diamonds and prettiness.

5. But the Halloween season also starts tomorrow which means all kinds of orange, yellow, pumpkin, spooky goodness! I think it’s the perfect way to end my summer vacation by going to Disneyland that’s all decked out for fall and Halloween.

6. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and fall is my favorite season, and Disneyland is my favorite place, and I love the idea of the past so this vacation is going to be amazing! And kind of unrelated, I am kind of planning on being Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas for Halloween this year.

7. We are staying at the Disneyland Hotel, which I haven’t stayed in since I was probably 8 or 9. And it’s been renovated since then, and who really remembers anything from when they were 8 or 9? I know that staying off property is cheaper, but in my opinion, if you’re going to Disney, you have to stay on property. You get some cool benefits from doing that, too, like early entrance to the parks every day of your stay, and they can deliver your in park purchases to your hotel room so you don’t have to carry your bags all day.

8. Believe it or not, but I actually have no plans to work for Disney despite my ridiculous extensive knowledge.

9. So, basically right now my life is just waiting the last few days before I get to go on my vacation and trying not to go crazy.

 

Thinking Out Loud #22

Thursdays are for thinking out loud!

1. It’s unseasonably cold right now, but I love it because fall is my favorite season!

2. I had to dig out my favorite sweater a few weeks ago from a donation bag. I don’t know why I was going to donate it! It’s my favorite sweater! But I’m glad I did. I love to just live in sweaters and sweat shirts and yoga pants.

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this is actually form 2011 so I’ve had this sweater a while

3. Unfortunately, with the coming of fall means the coming of school. Maxlemore (my little bro) started his sophomore year of high school today. This is me at his age. It’s weird.

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look at me trying to be all angsty

4. Now that I look back at my sophomore year I remember that it was only months after that selfie was taken that I was diagnosed with AN and depression. Hopefully Maxlemore has a better time than I did.

5. I’ve learned a lot about recovery and health and fitness in the last 5 years since my diagnosis. And I’ve made this decision like 3 times before without sticking to it, but now I think I definitely 100% have to commit to it: I’m going vegan. And I think I need to blog about my journey so I’m kept more accountable this time. Apparently I blogged back in 2014 that I would do this but I have no memory of it so I think I just typed it and never followed through.

6. I have finally found a good idea for my book on my recovery and I need to start it before I get swept up in school work. It’s been 5 years, which is probably long enough for me to have gained some perspective to write fairly well about this.

7. I really just want to drink hot chocolate and put pumpkins all over my apartment right now.

8. It’s a really good thing that I’m starting my final quarter of schooling ever in the fall because that’s when I’m the most motivated. After winter break I lose all motivation and just want it to be summer.

That’s it for now! None of my thoughts are very interesting.