Shame Free Saturday: Myself

shamefreesaturdayI guess since I talked about it here I should give you all an update.

I heard back from the gym about my Zumba audition.

They do not feel I am ready to teach a class by myself. But that (thankfully) does not mean they’re just showing me the door. My job over the next several weeks to months is to attend almost all of the Zumba classes offered, and when I know a song I have to jump up to the front and teach with the instructors. After lots of practice like that and gaining experience I should be put on the schedule to teach a class myself. So hopefully by the fall I will be teaching my own classes.

When I was first told this information I was okay with it. Would it have been awesome major to be able to teach right away? Of course, but I immediately made my mind get some perspective before I got upset about it.

I have never taught a Zumba class before. My audition was during a busy week for my friends so only my husband was able to come and everyone else in the class were instructors which was very daunting. I auditioned about 2 weeks after I got certified. I was nervous. It was a completely new experience. I spent my shift at work beforehand pacing when I wasn’t ringing up customers. Like I said, the important thing is that I did it.

Of course I was a little upset and did beat myself up a little bit. Why couldn’t I have been spectacular right away? Why am I so worthless I can’t get hired but this other girl can? I just can’t do anything. Why am I even trying to be a fitness instructor? I already failed last quarter. Why do I keep trying?

And honestly I’m still asking myself that question. But that’s why I’m writing this post. I need to remember that I did the absolute best that I could do. That other person that got hired right away is a performance major. I saw her in a play last quarter. She gets up in front of people for a living. I do not. I sit on my couch and try to write. I spend my days in different worlds when I’m not at the gym, where I go by myself to work out by myself. Just the fact that I choreographed 30 minutes worth of music and got up in front of people who have been instructing for a long time now is a huge success for me. The person in charge told me it took a lot of courage to come back and audition again after I’d tried for a different position last quarter. And it really did. I was so nervous. I didn’t feel nervous when I was teaching, but looking back I know I was. I was so focused on not messing up I forgot to smile and have fun. When I did smile it looked forced. I was awkward. I stared at my legs in the mirror to make sure I was getting the steps right.

But I did it. I got up there and I did it. And today I did it again. I co-instructed because that’s what I’m supposed to do, and my friend, the instructor today, wasn’t feeling well so I offered to do the whole class doing the high impact so she could give her body a bit of a break.

I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself for not being able to do something I’ve never done before right away. I will get there. And I’m so grateful to have this entire team that wants to support me and help me to get to the point where I can teach by myself.

I’m shy and awkward. I know that, and I need to work on that, but I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I will get there. I just have to keep at it. And I will.



Shame-Free Saturday: A Collection

This week I thought I would post a collection of things instead of focusing on just one thing.

I am shame free about:

-watching Love Actually about 20 times every holiday season.

-my love of baking

-the fact that I don’t actually eat much of what I bake

-my anxiety

-using the TV as background noise about 80% of the time it’s on

-that I love a lot of YA fantasy novels

-that I am getting a Sailor Moon tattoo in the near future

-that I love anime, J-Pop and K-Pop

-that I binge watch Gilmore Girls every weekend

There is of course more to the list, but that is for another post on another day. I hope you’re having a good Saturday. I just baked some cookies for the first Christmas party of the season and now I’m studying for the last final exam I have on Monday. I am ready for break. I’ve had enough of school for now.

What are some things you’re shame-free/shameless about?

Shame-Free Saturday: Fun

Welcome to another Shame-Free Saturday!

This weekend for Americans was full of food, family, and hopefully a little fun thanks to Thanksgiving. Then there was last night, Friday night, the end of the week and usually the best time to go out with friends and do a little bar hopping, or in my case, bowling. We bowled for two hours and let’s just say the Wii is not really helping you learn how to bowl in the real world.

Times out with family and friends like this are special occasions. You don’t need to count calories or freak out about anything. Just enjoy it and have fun. Make some memories. If you’re going out every single weekend then maybe you want to cut back on your intake, but don’t deprive yourself of good food and fun times. Especially during this holiday season. Don’t go all out so that you’re sick and regretting eating anything at all because that won’t give you a positive relationship with food, but don’t sit back with a gross granola bar in your pocket because you think you can’t have any fun. Find a happy medium. Everything in moderation, including moderation. Find what works for you and stick to it. And have fun.

We are human and our model of society unfortunately revolves around us working for money so we can live and usually those jobs are less than stellar. We only get one life, so you need to carve out time for fun; time to just let loose and let your spirit run free. We aren’t meant to sit at computers all day crunching numbers in a job we hate. That’s why you eat right and exercise, to alleviate stress and find a little enjoyment in your life, and it’s also why you need to let yourself go during these holiday times. Letting all your worries and restrictions go for a little while is part of taking care of yourself, which is part of being healthy.

Basically, just have fun and don’t worry about it the next day. Losing weight doesn’t mean you have to give up everything you love.

Shame-Free Saturday: Legs

This is an appropriate topic today because my legs are absolutely dying. I had an absolutely killer leg day on Tuesday followed by 45 minutes of squats and other leg dominant moves in Zumba Wednesday night, which was followed by two more days of yoga with lots of Warrior 1, 2, and 3 poses, but you don’t need to hear all of this. The point of this post is body and personality acceptance, focusing today on your legs!

I’m short, but my family always tells me how I have the long legs that run in that side of the family. Maybe they are long, maybe they’re normal, maybe they’re short. It doesn’t really matter because I love them. They’re not skinny. They’re somewhere between muscular and fat. It took me a really long time to learn to love my legs. They don’t have a thigh gap. They jiggle when I walk. But I walk. I can run even though I don’t like to. I can squat. I can lunge. I can deadlift. I can dance. I can flow in yoga and balance forever in Tree.

It’s not about how my legs look that matters. It’s about what I can do with them. It’s about what they do for me. I love seeing the muscles become more defined in them because of how they look but also because I know I worked hard for them and that it means I am getting stronger. It means I’ll be able to lift heavier and that all my work is paying off. It means my legs are working.

They’re not stick thin. And that is perfectly okay because I am so thankful for everything they do for me. Love your legs not for their appearance, but for their ability. And if you love your legs’ appearance too then that’s all the more love for your legs and that’s great! Love your legs. Love your body. Love you.

Shame-Free Saturday – Sleep

Here is the first Shame-free saturday post I did on my old blog: pudge

Happy half-way through November! This week I want to focus on sleep. I was told, like so many, as a child when I would get up at 6 in the morning that I would regret that when I got older. I wasn’t allowed to get up out of my room before 8, though I suspect that was more so my parents could sleep in than actually helping me get more sleep. Growing up the idea of staying up all night and getting very little sleep was something we all wore like badges of honor. We’d walk into our 6th grade classes saying we’d pulled an all-nighter to write the five paragraph essay we procrastinated, or simply to play on Neopets all night. Not sleeping was something we bragged about.

Not me, though. Maybe I’m super boring, but I usually get at least 8 hours of sleep. I have a hard time running on less than 9, though, so I try to get somewhere between 8 and 9 every night. And I have no shame about the fact that I’m a boring old lady at 21 who likes to go to bed at midnight and sleep until 8 or 9. Maybe I’m not quite old lady material yet since midnight is my bedtime and not eight.

Sleep really beneficial, even though we don’t really know why the human body needs sleep and cannot run without it. So make sure you’re getting at least 8 hours a night. It helps your skin and your hair and your organs and even aids in weight loss. The less sleep you get the more tired you are and the more you want to eat. Plus, sleep is so nice. Get some cozy flannel sheets, because it’s a really cold fall this year, spray some lavender, grab a good book, and snuggle in. They tell us that sitting all day is bad for us, but lying down for 8-10 hours a night is fantastic so go do it!

Next week’s topic: legs

Shame-Free Saturday: Alcohol

For my first Shame-Free Saturday I thought I would discuss a topic that’s been coming up a lot lately: alcohol.

I am not ashamed of the fact that I do not drink. That’s a weird statement, but I currently live in a small college town where the only thing to do on Friday nights is either party, go out to the bars, stay in and “study” (by that I mean watch Netflix), or go to the tiny movie theater. I turned 21 earlier this year and went out that weekend with my BFF and my husband in Seattle. I ended up drinking two drinks and one shot and we ran all around to a bunch of clubs and bars and it was a blast. But, I know I didn’t need the alcohol for it to be fun. Also, I only really enjoyed my first drink because it tasted like strawberry shortcake and you couldn’t taste the vodka. I just don’t see the appeal of drinking something that tastes bad to feel weird and then possibly feel terrible the next day. As Mrytle’s cousin said in the most recent adaptation of The Great Gatsby, I feel just as good on nothing at all. Never drink and you never lose your head. Those are the two mottos I go by.

Last night I went to a movie by myself after work while the Actor (my husband) hung out with some friends and drank. I came home with a smile on my face, blogged, and went to bed. I woke up today feeling a little tired still because I didn’t sleep that well, but otherwise just fine. I went to Zumba today and got my sweat on, and I’ll spend the rest of the day cleaning the apartment (which I also like doing. You’ll learn I’m weird with every new post).

Now, why is this in my Shame-Free Saturday? Because there is still that bit of peer pressure out there to get people to drink. A lot of people are surprised to hear I don’t drink, especially since I’m over 21. But I’m completely okay with it. I don’t need to drink to have fun. Drinking also gives me a lot of anxiety so I prefer to avoid it anyway. Some people enjoy drinking, and that’s fine, I just don’t. That makes me different, and I’m okay with that. It’s something I love about myself because in my past I would give in to the peer pressure every Friday night. I want to take care of myself and not drinking is part of that. But I’m not going to preach about whether or not drinking is good for you. If you want to drink, please do so responsibly, and if you don’t want to drink you definitely don’t have to. The same goes for drugs. If you want to do them then do so safely, and if you don’t then don’t worry about it. It can be more fun, too, to be sober and watch everyone else stumble around and speak their minds. I almost feel more comfortable around drunk people I don’t know well because they’re often more honest when drunk than sober.

Some people go out and drink on Friday nights. I go out to movies. Preferably Disney movies. 🙂


*Shame-Free Saturday is your chance to talk about something about you that you are coming to terms with or that you just absolutely love already. Be as positive as you can.