The Actor and I went to see The Amazing Spider-Man 2 last night. It was incredible. Definitely better than Winter Soldier by a long shot. And if you haven’t seen it yet and want see it, then just know that it was amazing and beautiful and wonderful and go see it and then stop reading because this isn’t a movie review blog and there are spoilers ahead.
*SPOILER WARNING! You have been warned. Read at your own risk.*
I knew what was going to happen within the first few minutes of the movie when Peter is on the front of a police car taking on his cell phone with Gwen and sees her dad in the police car next to him. And then when they had their little confrontation outside of the Chinese restaurant where they broke up. I knew it and I sat there and gasped which probably confused anyone around me who heard. The Actor knows by now that I can figure this stuff out within the first 20 minutes of the movie and is (hopefully) used to my gasping so he didn’t seem phased. They establish in the film that Spider Man gives people hope, but Gwen is his hope, and in the final scene when Harry as the Green Goblin comes out to kill Peter, he takes Gwen, drops her into a clock tower, and then he and Peter fight while Gwen quite literally dangles by a thread. The thread snaps. Peter jumps and in a painful slow-motion shot of the web reaching for Gwen we see it. It attaches to Gwen just inches above the ground. The force pulls her chest upward, causing her head to continue on its downward journey before snapping back up with the rest of her body. In that moment we know she is gone. Peter climbs down to her as her body hangs just a foot or less off the floor, and there he holds her in his arms, begging for her to wake up, but she doesn’t. Now, Andrew Garfield is an amazing actor. He’s absolutely brilliant, and this movie showcased a lot of his talents. Being able to reach down inside himself to bring out real, total anguish is one them.
And I cried along with him. Not like movie crying where you tear up and you get the lump in your throat and maybe your nose runs a little because, hey, that was sad, but it’s only a movie.
No. This was like full on sobbing. It took all my strength not start bawling. I had the gasping breathing going on and the tears running down my cheeks, the whole package except with volume on 1 because no one else was that sad.
And why was I that sad? Because I live with the fear of that situation happening to me every day. I wake up in the middle of the night and my first instinct is to make sure the Actor is still breathing. He’s perfectly healthy. There is no logical reason to do that, but I do. At least once a week this happens to me. And when he comes home late and I couldn’t get a hold of him, for those minutes between when he should be home and when he actually gets home I literally cannot function. I can sit and I can try to breathe, but that is it. I feel the sadness, the fear, the worry, deep down inside me and it holds onto me and will not let go. If it’s at night and he’s not coming home until after I’m supposed to be asleep for work tomorrow I can count on being tired at work the next day because there is no sleeping until I know that he is safe at home. We live in a stupidly tiny town. No where in this town does the speed limit go above 25 mph. The last time someone got shot was last year and we’re pretty sure it was drug related, but that was it. In the 2 years I’ve lived here there has been like 1 death not from natural causes. The town is so white and conservative there is basically nothing to worry about at all. But I do. (I didn’t mean the white and conservative bit to be racist to POC because I am one and that’s just stupid. I mean it because they’re all really old guys who probably all own guns and don’t hold much intelligence, but enough to not go shooting college students. I mean the only thing we really have to worry about here is stupidity.)
I cried because I understood Peter’s pain, and I am so afraid of that pain becoming my reality.
They resolve it on a happy note. Aunt May is packing up Uncle Ben’s things and tells Peter it’s not getting rid of it, just finding a better place for it, and he packs up his father’s stuff and Gwen’s pictures except for one which he puts on his desk, and in the final minutes of the movie he returns to work as Spider Man after a five month mourning period. So, from what we can tell, he does move on, and there are rumors that now they’re going to bring in Mary Jane for the 3rd and 4th movies, but I cannot imagine ever moving on and finding my Mary Jane if anything should ever happen to the Actor. He is my hope, and you take that away from me and I will have nothing left.