Step Back to Go Forward

Sometimes you have to take a step backward to go forward.

Today I joined the ranks of many others my age and moved back home. After living in my own place for 4 years, 3 of those shared with my ex, I finally burnt out, broke down, and moved home. It’s not because I want to avoid being an adult. While that is not a false statement, I moved back home due to financial hardship. I’ve mentioned this several times on here that I had to work 60-80 hour weeks in order to make ends meet in a one bedroom apartment in a suburban area. I have been eating one meal a day and then upsetting my stomach with enough espresso shots to ward off hunger of any other meals a normal human would require. Over 50% of my income without working extra hours was going to rent. I can’t even begin to talk about how unacceptable that is, because I know I’m not the only one. 

It is exceedingly strange to be back in my childhood bedroom as a twenty-something divorced adult. Luna has taken to it rather well this time. I had brought her to the house once before so the complex could do a preliminary inspection of the apartment without a cat getting in their way and she spent all of her time underneath my bed. It only took her a few hours today before she emerged from under the sofa to explore the house. So far I think she is quite pleased, although there are still some slight fur remnants of my first late fur child, Sweetie, who left us last summer, that Luna is smelling. 

I have set up my room in a weird child/adult hybrid. I’ve fit the bookshelf back where it was before but the contents have changed somewhat. The bedroom decorations have gone from torn out magazine pages of Demi Lovato, Ashely Tisdale, and Vanessa Hudgens, to white string lights and my pride flag. I do have a Harry Potter poster from college I’ll probably add to that, but it’s been a long day and I’m ready to veg out for a few hours. I worked out first thing in the morning, showered, and immediately began packing, moving, and unpacking, and then sat down to write this. It’s been about 12 hours since I woke up. And I have to go to work tomorrow. 

On the bright side, this is temporary. I will be able to put away 50% of my paycheck every month, actually eat food again, maybe take a few trips, maybe actually hang out with friends (after I get friends), and I think my next step is buying a property. Not sure what, not sure where, but I know that whatever it is I am nowhere near having a down payment in my bank account. Maybe it’s a step back. Or it’s just another step forward. If this is the new step for my generation in becoming an adult then I embrace it wholeheartedly. We can’t follow in our parents’ footsteps, but we can definitely make our own. Maybe this is just what our journey looks like. 

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