Evening Confessions

1.This was supposed to be up yesterday…

2. I’m actually kind of irritated I have a stupid paper diploma. I feel like it needs to be gold plated or something for the amount of money I wasted on it.

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3. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life but I’m trying really hard to make it work.

4. After nearly 6 years in recovery I thought I was finally ready to write that book on my recovery because I want to help other people who are struggling with eating disorders but every time I work on it I end up crying because I have to go back to some very dark memories that I’ve purposely blocked. So I feel like a failure because this is something I’m extremely passionate about and I can’t do it.

5. I also feel like a failure because I’ve been working out and lifting seriously for a while but don’t have the body to show for it. I’m learning that some combination of genetics and the damage I did to my body when I was deep into my disorder has destroyed my body’s ability to lose weight effectively.

6. As much as I want to be some kind of fitness role model because I really want to inspire people to live a healthier lifestyle I can most likely never be the super buff Instagram model or oddly bubbly YouTube sensation, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help.

7. When I’m not having heavy thoughts about my future what I want and my shortcomings I’m playing with my cat who is oddly talkative and definitely adorable.

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8. I have more pictures of Luna on my phone than I do selfies.

9. On a more positive note I might have a very exciting new job. I won’t know for sure for a while, but I’m very excited and really hope that I get it.

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6 thoughts on “Evening Confessions

  1. You are not alone!!! When I went to school I had anorexia so I majored in Nutrition. Now, almost 5 years later and finally better I don’t even want to be a Dietician. And you’re right – it should be made of gold. Haha!!

  2. Don’t feel too disheartened about a lack of physical improvement 🙂 If you’re doing exercise regularly, you’re definitely doing good stuff to your body. Assisting cardiovascular health, immune system, brain and nervous system etc. Keep it up! 🙂

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