1.This was supposed to be up yesterday…
2. I’m actually kind of irritated I have a stupid paper diploma. I feel like it needs to be gold plated or something for the amount of money I wasted on it.
3. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life but I’m trying really hard to make it work.
4. After nearly 6 years in recovery I thought I was finally ready to write that book on my recovery because I want to help other people who are struggling with eating disorders but every time I work on it I end up crying because I have to go back to some very dark memories that I’ve purposely blocked. So I feel like a failure because this is something I’m extremely passionate about and I can’t do it.
5. I also feel like a failure because I’ve been working out and lifting seriously for a while but don’t have the body to show for it. I’m learning that some combination of genetics and the damage I did to my body when I was deep into my disorder has destroyed my body’s ability to lose weight effectively.
6. As much as I want to be some kind of fitness role model because I really want to inspire people to live a healthier lifestyle I can most likely never be the super buff Instagram model or oddly bubbly YouTube sensation, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help.
7. When I’m not having heavy thoughts about my future what I want and my shortcomings I’m playing with my cat who is oddly talkative and definitely adorable.
8. I have more pictures of Luna on my phone than I do selfies.
9. On a more positive note I might have a very exciting new job. I won’t know for sure for a while, but I’m very excited and really hope that I get it.