I just realized today that I haven’t been on wordpress in a while and I honestly don’t have a good excuse. I work part time at a coffee shop 15 minutes walking distance from my apartment and when I’m not there I’m binge watching Netflix or playing with my cat or doing both at the same time and telling myself that I’m talented.

So, sorry friends! I’ve been meaning to get onto a regular blogging schedule again, but I also have been finding myself in a giant depressive state. I sleep for 11-12 hours on my days off and still barely manage to have enough energy to function. I know what I want to do with the rest of my life, or at least the next 5 years or so of it, but I feel like I am terrible at it so I just don’t even try and stare at the TV, most of the time not even actually paying attention to it.

I honestly don’t know what has caused it. I’m depressive and suicidal most of the time and on a good day am just extremely tired despite copious amounts of sleep.

Sorry to get all sad.

I need to get on antidepressants but I honestly can’t afford them right now, so I have to wait until I have another job or somehow miraculously get extra hours at the coffee shop before I can even think about getting on any kind of medication.

Ok, on a happier note, here is that video of my cat I promised forever ago.


3 thoughts on “M.I.A

  1. Sorry to hear that you are suffering with depression. I started on anti depressants (Citalopram) about two months ago, and they seem to have made a massive difference for me. I guess we are lucky in the UK that all medicines are free. I would definitely recommend trying them if you can, or speaking to a councilor (something else I’ve been doing.) Maybe for now just try and take small steps towards what you want to be doing, but I know that even the smallest things can be a struggle at times. Motivation can be sucked away very easily. I also know that it’s not only hard to blog about, but also to write anything at all sometimes, so it’s a positive thing that you have written this post 🙂

  2. Hang in there my friend, you must talk to someone even if it’s just your husband to get those thoughts out and worked through as best you can. This winter was an ass hole and knocked me off my horse into a weird funk and I am hopeful that spring will bring life back into the world! You’re YOUNG, and have so much life ahead of you, but if you keep manifesting on the future and its blurriness you will continue to spiral. Focus on the NOW and what makes you happy in the present day. Find something at the coffee shop that you love and focus on that. Training your mind to get away from the future or the past is KEY to finding a balance in the unknown.

    It’s not easy, and it’s always a work in progress for me but putting the vibes out there is the first step. Write them down, say them out loud. FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT! Sending you lots of love, and praying you find a route without the meds. I believe in you. BAM!

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