Thinking Out Loud #18: Stressed


Finally, another thinking out loud post!

This week is gonna be a little different from the norm.

Because I am stressed out.

The world seems to be picking on me lately. My rent got raised even though I’ve been living in the same apartment for over two years. Our car is broken and it’s gonna cost upwards of $300 to totally fix it. My insurance decided not to pay for any of my OB/GYN appointment even though the Affordable Care Act mandates that they cover all of it. It’s going to be over 100 degrees for the next ten days, which means we have to use our AC, which means our electric bill will go up, and they already raised the rates. Plus, I have a little health thing going on that made me spend more money than I’d planned on. Plus my cell phone bill is really high this month because we just switched carriers and I guess they decided to charge us a lot more than we’d discussed. I can’t figure out the bill. It looks wonky.

On top of all this, I’m working a job for minimum wage with no benefits, no opportunities, and no incentive to actually work hard.

We’re trying to save up to move out of here at the end of the year because I will seriously (sorry to be so morbid) kill myself if I have to stay in this town any longer. But the world keeps throwing crap at us and making us spend money we don’t have.

It’s not even about budgeting, because we do, it’s just that it’s impossible for us to make enough money to survive comfortably. During the school year we’re only allowed to work 19 hours a week. We’re allowed to work up to 40 over the summer, but they don’t like it and don’t schedule anymore for 40 hours.

I am just tired of this. I’m tired of working for barely anything and still struggling. I’m tired of college. I’m tired of this job. I’m tired of this town. I’m tired of this life. I’m tired of trying for something I want and being told that no matter how hard I try it’s not going to happen. I have less than six months here, but they seem to stretch on for eternity. And the one trip we were going to take this year I don’t know if we even can now, and that was the one thing getting me through this year.

I’m sorry, I’m just really stressed out. Nothing is going right. I don’t even want to know what kind of bullshit the university is going to put me and the Actor through when we try to graduate in December.

That’s my thinking out loud for the week. I’m stressed out. Life is going wrong.

On the bright side, I’m getting trained to be a barista so I have more job opportunities when we do move, and I’m starting to learn Spanish and German, and my brain keeps throwing out Japanese when I try to translate stuff into the other two languages, so at least I’m kind of proficient in 3 languages other than English now.


2 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud #18: Stressed

  1. Ellie says:

    Wow girl that sounds really stressful! I totally get ya on the money thing. I wanted to take a certification program this fall/spring but won’t be able to because I don’t have the funds. I just moved so I feel like I am shelling out money for everything!
    Don’t worry. Things will work out eventually. Sometimes we have to be really frugal for a while before things start to happen. You’re so close! Just 6 months! You got this! 🙂

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