It is currently week 7 of Winter Quarter 2015, which means that it is coming to a close and it’s time for final projects. I thankfully have no final exams, and all I really have to do is write a 12 page proposal packet, create a storyboard and write a directorial vision, and outline a feature film in the next 3 weeks.
I was just looking over everything I have left to do, first excited that I only have about 2 or 3 assignments left in each class, but then freaking out over just how much was involved in each of those assignments.
I decided I could completely freak out about them, stress out, do them and get graded then obsess over the grade because I freaked out about them so much the grade should be higher, OR I could just do them and not care. Only 1 of my classes this quarter is actually important to me. The other 2 I took because I needed them to graduate, but I’m not interested in becoming a director or making a documentary. I just need to pass those classes to graduate. I decided it doesn’t matter what grade I get in the classes, and at this point I can’t do so badly that I get lower than a B.
It’s like the image above. I’m not going to be happy being a director or documentary maker. I wouldn’t even take these classes if I didn’t need them to graduate. I definitely don’t need to stress over something that isn’t important to me.
I stress myself out a lot. I make myself unhappy a lot. I’ve been really slacking with my yoga practice this quarter, and I need to try harder to do it because it makes me happy, and it helps keep me from making myself unhappy.
College makes me unhappy but I have to do it, and I’m almost done. But there is also an issue. I could have a better view of it. I do like all the people I’ve met here. I like going to the gym and group fitness classes. I like the opportunities it’s given me in my writing classes. I need to make the next 10 months here good. I need to have a better outlook and focus on the things I enjoy.
So for the next 10 months I’m going to write, exercise, choreograph, practice yoga, watch great movies, read good books, and have great times with friends. I learned a long time ago that grades aren’t the most important thing in life, and why stress about something that isn’t important? We only get one life, and it’s too short to spend unhappy over stupid things.
All of this is easier said than done, and I do have an anxiety disorder, so it’s going to be a real challenge, but I’m willing to try.