Everything was so much easier when no one knew about Ana. Not even me. It was so much nicer and I was so much happier. Living in the illusion that I was almost perfect. Everything was so much easier when I didn’t know it was ok to be a person. When I didn’t know I had worth as a human being. When I didn’t know that I deserved to be heard. I didn’t despair before because I though I was living the life that I deserved.
Dont you ever just want to end the pain? Permanently? Wouldn’t that feel so great? Not feeling anymore.
Im a college student. I have debt waiting for me. But nothing else. No future. No career. I can ring up fast food. That’s all I’m good at. No matter where I apply I never even get an interview. And it was so much easier when I thought that was the way it was supposed to be.
Yes, I am asking for help. Because I am alone and I am scared and I don’t know what else to do. I turn 21 on Thursday. But I don’t know if I want to. Maybe this is a cry for attention but is that so wrong?