Today is my birthday!
It is also the first day of classes and I have to work, but I don’t really mind because I only have one class today and I love my new shift. The Actor has auditions tonight and we’re probably going to go out to eat even though I have no clue where I want to eat.
I have been thinking lately about how far I’ve come in the past two decades of my life. Not only from when I was born, because that’s kind of pointless. Everyone comes really far from when they were born. You don’t stay a baby forever. I’ve particularly been thinking about the past three and a half years since I was diagnosed. I know that my disorder started probably something like sixteen years ago, but the time I was diagnosed and had to recover was probably the hardest. I read my old diary entries from then and found this shell of a girl with no clue where her future was going to be. Twenty years old hardly even seemed possible. Would I make it to twenty? Did I even want to if I’d have to gain weight? Not really, no, but now it’s three and a half years later and I’ve restored my weight and then some (really up to where the doctors wanted it but I fought that until my freshman year in college). I’ve gained muscle mass and increased my heart and lung functions. I’ve gotten into college and done fairly well. I’ve had my first job. I got married. I’m training to become a personal trainer! I never could have imagined I’d make it this far when I was first told I was anorectic and that my whole way of life was about to be turned upside down. I had to relearn how to think and cope with things, and I still struggle with this today, but I’m so much better at it today than I was back then.
I’m alive! I made it to my twentieth birthday, and even though I’m sitting in a freezing apartment, working 16 hours a week for minimum wage, and wondering how we’ll pay all our bills, none of that matters today. I made it to twenty and it’s so much better than I ever could have imagined it would be in 2010.
I’ve never been big on celebrating my birthdays, but I feel like this one is special. I’ve just come so far and made so much progress. So today is my day. I’ve decided I’m awesome and nothing can bring me down.