Bye Old Name, Bye Old Family

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This will be the last post I ever write about my father.

My name has officially changed from my father’s to my husband’s. It took me less than a month to get it all taken care of because I wanted it changed as quickly as possible. Not only because I wanted it to be my husband’s so that the world would know I was married to him, but also to get rid of my last tie with my father’s family.

I can never explain why they hate me because I don’t understand what I did to make them feel that way. My father was the one that cheated, he was the one that elected to leave us, and he’d done it all before with his first wife and his first son, and yet his parents think he can do no wrong and it’s all our fault. I invited them all to my wedding. They all declined. No card, no congratulations on the declined RSVP. Nothing. Just as my father chose not to be a part of my life, they chose to leave it as well. I got to see the wedding pictures today and just as I’d felt at the wedding, nothing was missing. No one was missing. Over a month after the wedding and I still don’t regret not having my father there. I’ve made my peace with him and his entire family not being a part of my life, and honestly I do not miss their presence at all. If I say anything about them that seems that way it’s only because I am confused why they can feel okay with not being in my life.

Now my father has left with his new girlfriend (who has kids and is leaving them) to move back in with his parents in Texas until they find their own place and jobs. That is the last I will ever have to see or hear of him. When I go to visit my mom on weekends I won’t have to worry about running into him anymore. I won’t have to hear any of his nonsense relayed from my brother. It’s kind of nice, but at the same time:

He left right before my brother’s birthday. He’s abandoning the only kid he has who still likes him. It’s ridiculous. But that is how he thinks, and I feel sorry for him for never knowing what it’s like to have a family. I feel terrible for my brother, but he’ll get over it and it will be good for him to not have that man be an influence anymore.

It’s a little strange for me, especially since he gave me this before he left:Photo0517

As a wedding present, he said. It’s probably also a birthday present and a Christmas present for the rest of my life, but it was very nice of him to get it for me. One final gesture, but when I thanked him for it he said, “Oh, yeah, do you think you’ll have a use for them?”

No, perhaps not.

So my name has changed, and he’s leaving. All of my ties with him and his family are gone. I hardly even have any physical traits that could trace me back to him.

(My mom is slowly getting better. Basically the electrical signal from her brain didn’t work right and caused her heart to just stop, but she’s off of the breathing tube they had her on and she is talking and eating again now.)

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3 thoughts on “Bye Old Name, Bye Old Family

  1. I’m glad your mother is getting better. Ironically, my mother and father had the same last name before they married – so I never felt conflicted about my last name when they divorced!

  2. b says:

    This was a very powerful post for me. It brought up some old pain. My father was a very flawed person. I’d like to talk about him with you…sometime.

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