A couple years ago (almost 4 already??) I would have told you that my eating disorder was my lifestyle choice. I was pro-ana, especially when the doctors were restricting my exercise and telling me to eat more candy and potato chips. In truth, my doctors never actually helped me recover. Doctors hardly ever actually help me, but that’s another story. I was partly right about my “pro-ana lifestyle” in the sense that my anorexia is how my brain works. I am programed to think that way, which is why I am anorectic. However, I’ve spent the last 3 1/2 years fighting against my natural responses to get to where I am today.
Today exercise and a clean, healthy diet is just how I live. It’s not something I fight against. I don’t sit around going, “I hate spinach but I have to eat it because it’s good for me,” or, “I hate exercise but I have to do it.” Instead I find myself saying that I hate eating processed food and I get bored when I don’t do any exercise which is why rest days are so hard for me. I can’t imagine ever not working out. I always find the time for it. I even did little mini sets on my honeymoon in the hotel before we’d head to the parks in the morning. Eating clean is just natural for me. If there isn’t some kind of vegetable in it then it just isn’t that appetizing to me. Being healthy is a priority in my life. Taking care of myself is important to me. I still indulge in ice cream every now and then. I make cookies and muffins, and I love cheese, but I take care of myself. The Actor and I only eat fresh food. Processed stuff is too expensive for us and honestly we don’t miss it at all. Our most common dessert it half an apple with peanut butter and some dark chocolate chips on top – apple cupcakes.
It’s been such an easy change, and I can’t imagine ever not exercising and eating processed food that makes me sick. I’m never going to change this, because this is the way I live, and it’s the best way I can live. I have a hugely decreased risk of any kind of disease that most Americans are going to die from because they are overweight, which is good because as I stated earlier, doctors can’t ever seem to help me. I am happy, I have energy, and I am healthy. I still have my ED, of course because it is me, but I’ve learned how to cope with it so that I don’t die from it. I still have my depression, but other than the rare occasion when it just explodes and gets me for a day I function pretty well. I have my bad days like anybody else, but I’m okay. I just honestly cannot imagine living any other way than this. Why wouldn’t you want to take care of yourself?