It’s My Lifestyle

A couple years ago (almost 4 already??) I would have told you that my eating disorder was my lifestyle choice. I was pro-ana, especially when the doctors were restricting my exercise and telling me to eat more candy and potato chips. In truth, my doctors never actually helped me recover. Doctors hardly ever actually help me, but that’s another story. I was partly right about my “pro-ana lifestyle” in the sense that my anorexia is how my brain works. I am programed to think that way, which is why I am anorectic. However, I’ve spent the last 3 1/2 years fighting against my natural responses to get to where I am today.

Today exercise and a clean, healthy diet is just how I live. It’s not something I fight against. I don’t sit around going, “I hate spinach but I have to eat it because it’s good for me,” or, “I hate exercise but I have to do it.” Instead I find myself saying that I hate eating processed food and I get bored when I don’t do any exercise which is why rest days are so hard for me. I can’t imagine ever not working out. I always find the time for it. I even did little mini sets on my honeymoon in the hotel before we’d head to the parks in the morning. Eating clean is just natural for me. If there isn’t some kind of vegetable in it then it just isn’t that appetizing to me. Being healthy is a priority in my life. Taking care of myself is important to me. I still indulge in ice cream every now and then. I make cookies and muffins, and I love cheese, but I take care of myself. The Actor and I only eat fresh food. Processed stuff is too expensive for us and honestly we don’t miss it at all. Our most common dessert it half an apple with peanut butter and some dark chocolate chips on top – apple cupcakes.

It’s been such an easy change, and I can’t imagine ever not exercising and eating processed food that makes me sick. I’m never going to change this, because this is the way I live, and it’s the best way I can live. I have a hugely decreased risk of any kind of disease that most Americans are going to die from because they are overweight, which is good because as I stated earlier, doctors can’t ever seem to help me. I am happy, I have energy, and I am healthy. I still have my ED, of course because it is me, but I’ve learned how to cope with it so that I don’t die from it. I still have my depression, but other than the rare occasion when it just explodes and gets me for a day I function pretty well. I have my bad days like anybody else, but I’m okay. I just honestly cannot imagine living any other way than this. Why wouldn’t you want to take care of yourself?


5 thoughts on “It’s My Lifestyle

  1. This post resonates so much with me. Once I found a healthy balance of exercise and rest, and started eating ENOUGH deliciously healthy stuff to support my active lifestyle, I felt so much better. Overly sweet things don’t appeal to me, and that’s okay. I have cake/pie/other sweets on special occasions (holidays, birthdays, etc.) and it makes them just that much better. (I do eat ice cream frequently, though…to me, it’s just another dairy product, only frozen).
    I wouldn’t say my ED is me though. I have so much else that I do, so much else that I am, and so much else that I love…I can’t let my ED get in the way of that.

  2. I agree. When I see other people stuffing themselves with junk food, it just completely boggles my brain. I understand temptations every once in awhile, but all of the time just sickens me to think about it.

  3. I agree completely with everything you said here. Eating clean and exercising daily is my way of ‘coping’ with my ED–it’ll always be a part of me, but I can choose to use it to benefit my health. These healthy habits have become so ingrained to me that it doesn’t feel like a conscious choice anymore, it’s just what I always do. And I’ve come to prefer homemade, healthy desserts and snacks that I never want anything but that.

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