Nothing Tastes as Good as Healthy/Thin Feels

The other day I posted about how I hate the way I look and want to go back to restricting and blah blah blah. I felt awful. I hated looking in the mirror. Honestly, weird stuff was happening with my body at that time which caused me to appear fluffy and stuff, but it made me feel awful. I couldn’t believe how terribly I’d eaten on my honeymoon, though right now I honestly can hardly remember all the stuff I ate other than our special dinners in the Magic Kingdom. I hated myself for it. What a failure, I thought. But recently I’ve noticed that I’m thinner than I was a month ago. Even when I was doing the all that heavy lifting. I have gone back to my old Pop Pilates routine, except I follow her calendars now so it’s longer and slightly more intense. I sweat up a storm every time I work out. Somehow, though I know that’s not only why I seem to have lost weight (I don’t have a scale, I’m going solely off of the mirror and the way my body feels).

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Since getting married and learning how to budget we’ve cut our grocery bill to around $45 a week, less sometimes, for the two of us. We plan our dinners for the week and eat sandwiches and veggies and fruits for our other meals. I’ve cooked meat only twice in the past month, and we try to have a serving of vegetables with every dinner, and I’ve been adding spinach to my morning banana smoothies. The Actor has lost some weight as well. It makes me happy that we haven’t even really tried that hard to eat better, we just do it, and it’s delicious. We don’t have any processed food in our apartment and we’re getting along just fine. I made fonuts a while ago with our adorable babycakes donut maker we got as a wedding gift with banana glaze and Mickey Mouse sprinkles.

Fonuts by Blogilates

The thing about that though, is that I started feeling better only when I noticed I was getting thin again. And that induces more anxiety. If I don’t work out hard then I’m convinced I’m going to get fat. If I eat just a little too much ice cream I’m going to get fat. I don’t want to get fat because then I won’t be happy anymore. My weight and appearance still dictates how I feel. So how much progress have I made, really, if that’s still the case?

I like that I’ve been able to eat cleanly without really trying, and really enjoying it, and receiving the benefits that come with it, but it doesn’t say great things about my eating disorder.

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6 thoughts on “Nothing Tastes as Good as Healthy/Thin Feels

  1. That’s a tough one. I mean, I don’t know if those feelings ever really go away. But it’s good that you are eating healthy and delicious meals, so I think you should give yourself credit for that!

  2. Healthy does not equal thin. Weight has very little to do with overall health. Health is determined by things like lab values, the state of your organs, and emotional well being. Eating disorders make us assume that healthy is thin, but that’s rarely the case. There are plenty of people who are no less healthy at a size 16 than a size 4.
    Studies show that the healthies place for you body to be, weight wise, is at your set point. Do some research on the set point theory.

    Hang in there!

  3. This is the hardest thing for me to deal with. I have periods of thinking I look great and thin and then right after those I think I look like crap and I’ve gained so much weight. I’ve stopped weighing myself because I was never able to do it in the morning when it’d be my real weight, and the numbers were just messing with my head. People say its better to go by the mirror/how clothes fit but that can be confusing when we don’t always see ourselves the way we want to. Honestly, though, I think it’s really great that you’re eating clean and it’s not that hard for you to do so! I talked about this a lot in my last post–I didn’t start eating clean to lose weight per se, but I assumed it would happen like I’ve seen on other blogs. Then again, eating healthy in itself is a reward, but it can be hard when we don’t see the physical results from it.

    • I know, sometimes I’m like “I swear these pants fit differently than they did before.” When they really don’t. I’ve always wanted to eat as clean as possible because it’s so good for you and campus food wasn’t even close so I was really excited to get to now. The weight loss has just been a happy side effect.

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