My Wants and Dreams

Because I’m not doing too super this week, I’m going to leave you with a little post about the random wants and dreams I’ve come up with today.

– I want to wake up every morning and go for a run on the beach.

– I want to sit by a sunny window eating peanut butter toast and drinking green tea for breakfast every day.

– I want to spend my afternoons in Disneyland, whether working there or visiting I don’t care.

– I want to know how to eat healthy.

– I want to lose weight.

– I want to have my own apartment and kitchen.

– I want to be done with school so I can work full time, come home, and do whatever the hell I want instead of homework and classes while working only half-time.

– I want my wedding to be tomorrow instead of 73 days away.

– I want to go to Disneyland or Walt Disney World. Either works right now.

– I want to stop craving sugar and shit.

– I want my fiance to stop pushing junk food on me. I want him to understand how hard this is.

– I want salads to be enough to fill me up.

– I want my next book to be professionally published.

– I want to live in a movie where you know everything will turn out all right in the end. Preferably set in the 1920s and I’m in the top 10%.

So I guess they’re not all happy, but I never said they would be. I found out a few days ago that I am more disordered (if that makes sense) than the average person with anorexia, which I don’t really know how to react to. I’m also freaking out about an entire inch I gained to my waist last quarter and I don’t even fucking know how that happened. I like my classes so far this quarter, and my job is so much better than last quarter, but I am so ready for it to be done, and to have my own place where all I have to worry about (until September if I decide to go back to school, because I honestly don’t know if I will) is working and whatever the heck I want after my shift. No sharing bathrooms, no stupid neighbors, and a kitchen.

Do you have any advice for me? Because I’m honestly lost. How the heck do you lose weight at college when you can’t make your own food? 

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4 thoughts on “My Wants and Dreams

  1. Sasha says:

    Well, despite, as you said, not all are happy ones, there are very positive ones too. That is nearly impossible, as you know, when you are in the grip of anorexia so YAY for you for having a list at all! And having some happy things on that list!!

  2. I want your first, fifth and seventh ones–my dream is to live near the beach preferably in California. I am so sick of school too and I really want to lose weight without having to restrict a lot again and mess up my metabolism even more. I wish I had advice for you on weight loss but I’m in the same boat and it sucks.

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