Don’t Stand when I enter the Room!

Last week we received the first draft of our wedding ceremony. Reading through it was a very surreal moment. In three months those words on our computer screen will be read aloud for all of our friends and family to hear. At our wedding. Where we’ll get married. Like, for realsies. Our celebrant asked us to review it and then respond with any changes we would like to add. The first thing I thought of changing was in response to this:

“CELEBRANT:  Please stand to welcome our Bride”

I thought, “I don’t want people to stand for me just because I’m coming in! They’re all going to be taller than me, and why would they stand just for me? That’s not fair to all the other people that just walked in.” If you know me extremely well, you’ll know that I’m not too big on fairness all the time, like in the case of everyone getting a participation trophy, which makes my last statement a little strange. Well, I looked up why people stand for the bride. It’s to show respect. Again, I thought, “and all the other people don’t deserve respect?” One website said I should be honored for choosing to honor the institution of marriage since we’re not required to marry in this society. I thought that sentence sounded a little odd. It said people should stand to teach children that there are some things that are worthy of being honored even if they don’t understand it.

All of it just sounded like a bunch of bull to me. Why stand for only me when other people just walked in? I’m not any more important than they are. Why not stand for my fiance when he walks in? Why not stand for the grandparents? Or the wedding party? I’m five-foot-two. I’m a freshman in college (with sophomore standing, might I add). I’ve done nothing exciting in my life. I’ve done nothing important or interesting. I’m just a crazy young girl getting married.

But then I think, men used to stand for a women whenever she entered a room, not just at her wedding.

But then all those previous arguments come into my head.

And then I realize, while I probably do have a point about how I’m no more special than everyone else, I mainly don’t want people to stand because I don’t value myself enough. I don’t think I’m special. I don’t think I deserve respect. I don’t think people should stand for me.

So, I’m sending my response to our celebrant after I publish this post, but I’m leaving the standing part in. For now. Just because I have some time to really decide whether or not I should keep it there or not. Maybe I’ll tell her to take it out later. Maybe I won’t. We’ll see.

Any thoughts on the matter? 

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3 thoughts on “Don’t Stand when I enter the Room!

  1. Sasha says:

    I feel like that about people opening the door for me and allowing me to go through first. I’ve always been conflicted about that and yet, when it happens as it frequently does, it makes me feel good, like I’m actually being noticed. You are right, I think despite its origins, I think our issue stems from our own lack of respect and confidence in ourselves. Instead of saying “Hell yeah, stand up and honor me!” We just want to float on by as invisible as possible. By honoring others and turning the view on to them, we are turning it away from us. Sometimes standing in the lime light having people applause you is a good thing.

    Think of the little girl who is standing in her moms heels in the middle of the room applauding herself. We really need to be more like that. 🙂

  2. I have a feeling that, even if you don’t have the celebrant say that, people will stand. I have been to ceremonies with and without it being said, and the people always stand anyway.

    It’s your special day, so people are going to treat you like a queen whether you like it or not – so try to enjoy it!

  3. I think a lot of wedding traditions are kinda weird, or just outdated, but I think a lot of people will probably end up standing anyway, just because they’re used to it. I definitely agree though that it feels weird to be honored in that way, like how am I that worthy of respect just because I’m getting married?

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