Yesterday was my “hell day” as Wednesdays will be from now on until March 7th when I will have no more Wednesdays for this quarter. I get up at 8 (after staying up until midnight or later because I had to watch Daily Show and Colbert), get dressed, go to breakfast, go to creative writing (which I am loving!), go to work and stand for 4 hours making meat pizzas, run to Ghosts and Fairies and sit for 100 minutes, go to dance, eat dinner, go to Commerce and Conquest and do interesting stuff for two hours, finally get back into my room at 8pm to shower and essentially collapse. I’m still recovering. Now that I’m sitting all relaxed in my chair I am ready to fall asleep but I still have things to do! Ah! At least I only have one class tomorrow and no work.

Speaking of work, I like having a job. I do, but only because it means that in a few weeks I will be getting a paycheck. I don’t mind making pizza and all that. It’s not bad. I know what I have to do, I would just rather not be doing it. I am even more motivated than before to work my ass off in the 3-4 fields I am interested in and make a weird income from all 4 places, but at least I will be having fun doing all of them. I almost got into a class that would give me my personal training certification but it was full before I could sign up. Maybe next quarter. It was cheaper than the online stuff, otherwise I would just forget about it. Creative writing is great. I am so glad to be in it and get to write and all that good stuff. I need to get back into photography. It’s cold here though and that makes me reluctant to go outside. Well, maybe tomorrow. It’s getting dark now. I can at least work on stuff for my Etsy store.

On top of being extra, extra motivated to get out of the job area that I am in, I don’t like having my job because I work from 10 to 2 and have class directly before and after my shift, leaving no time for lunch. I eat a Larabar as I run to my class and it feels exactly like it did when I was deepest into my disorder except this time it’s not a choice. I do not get a break and we are not allowed to get food from the café on our shift and I don’t have any time to stop and get any at the end of my shift. I tired eating a large breakfast, but there is nothing that will keep you full for 6-8 hours. On Tuesdays I can eat at 2, on Thursdays I can eat at 3, but on Mondays and Wednesdays I cannot eat until dinner time at 5. I am going to buy some bread over the weekend and pack sandwiches in my backpack in the morning. If my prof has a problem with me eating in class tough cookies (ooh… cookies…) because I need to eat. Especially because I spend 4 hours straight standing at work.

It just really bothers me that I am back here again and not even by choice. I didn’t even slip up, this is just how things happened to go for me and it’s really getting to me. By the time I get a chance to eat I don’t even want to. I don’t care for any food, even food I cannot get on campus. I just don’t want to eat. After my shift I’m just in this mindset where I’m all, “well, I haven’t eaten in 6 hours. I can probably go longer,” because I stopped feeling hungry two hours ago. So, hopefully the sandwiches and whatever else I buy to pack will help because I do not want to be back here again. At work today I started to get excited thinking I might be able to lose a lot of weight with all the work and lack of eating that I do.


2 thoughts on “Exhausted!

  1. I understand what you mean. It can be super tough to find a possibility to fuel right when being busy,no doubt about that. It’s good that you realize you need to find a routine,though,i just hope it will work out somehow in the end because it’s SO important for you to nourish your body properly!

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