Realization! Sort of…

So I’m back from my trip to the Disneyland resort with my family. It was tons of fun and I’ll post up pictures later (I took 270!) but for now I want to talk about something that I realized while I was in the resort. It was exactly six months from when I went with the Actor which was nice, and our wedding is now less than six months away. So I was remembering the proposal and thinking about all that I have to get done when I get home while I’m home from college for break. I’m going with my bridesmaids to look at bridesmaids dresses this week and hopefully the Actor and his groomsmen will go get tux fittings since we’re all in college and far away from each other while the wedding is coming up. This is the opportune time to do this stuff.

The parks were beautiful of course, but I was freaking out about my figure while I was there. I wear this one shirt every time we go to Disneyland (since probably middle school so that tells you something about my size).

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I was getting ready in the bathroom when my mom walked in and said, “You’re so skinny!” and after my ED ego stopped being excited about that I decided I only looked skinny because the stripes on the shirt are horizontal. I worried about eating the whole time we were there which is stupid since anything you eat in Disneyland is the best thing you ever will eat ever. I kept looking at my figure in the mirror when we’d get back to the hotel and I could steal a glance without my mom seeing.

But I realized that what did it matter what I looked like? I was on vacation! In Disneyland! It didn’t matter what I ate. It was all delicious so I should just enjoy it. Also, I’m engaged! I got engaged in Disneyland and have a wonderful man who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. So why should I worry about how my stomach looks? Why should I worry if my thighs jiggle a little bit? Everyone’s does! It’s normal and more importantly healthy. So I shouldn’t worry about it at all. I should just enjoy life and enjoy my time.

Which I did. I loved my vacation.

So, while I did realize this I’m not exactly following it. I know that I should just try to live a healthy life and that it is the holidays which comes only once a year, so the chocolates and cookies are forgivable. I’m having trouble not worrying about my figure and my weight. So many things are changing and so I default to worrying about my weight. I know that I shouldn’t worry about it and it’s great that I did realize that I shouldn’t but I need to actually not worry about it now.

One step at a time.

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One thought on “Realization! Sort of…

  1. It’s so liberating when we can shove those thoughts of weight and food aside, and just enjoy life. I wish it did not take such an effort to do so, though! The thoughts always seem to find a way to sneak back in.

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