I’ve been on my summer break for about two weeks now and while the first week was absolutely wonderful (Disneyland), this week not so much. That’s not to say that it is awful. What I mean is that the magic that I inhaled in Disneyland finally wore off and I’m back to reality and realizing that my entire schedule is messed up now. When I went to school I got up earlier than I wanted to of course but I made my own breakfast and packed my own lunch and walked a total of 3 hours in school alone before getting home to do an hour of pilates or HIIT or Insanity before showering and going to bed. I got to control what I ate for two meals and the third one was up to whatever my mom felt like making.
Now that I’m home and I don’t have school I exercise for maybe 30 minutes now, at least every other day even though I have more time to exercise because there is no school but less time because my mom is home during the day three days a week and now that Kyle is back from college and we’ve got a wedding to plan I spend most of my days with him. I’m not complaining about that, either, it’s just hard.
I did gain weight on my trip. I don’t quite understand how since we were up from 6:30 to 11 every day doing nothing but walking. Shouldn’t I have lost weight? So I’m very upset about that, especially since I don’t have much time to exercise to losing it has been difficult. I don’t even go on the scale now because I already feel terrible about myself and that would just make it incredibly worse.
I got my wedding dress yesterday. I didn’t mean to get it so fast. I went in for an appointment and expected to come out with another one in the future to try on more and maybe decide the second time, but the first one I put on was exactly what I wanted. The rest were pretty but I couldn’t get over that first one and how perfect it was. But now that I have it I have to stay the weight I am or lose some. I cannot gain anymore weight.
I try to find every opportunity to be up and on my feet now. I’m always moving and doing something if I can. If I’m sitting I’m tapping my feet. If I can get back down to the weight I was at when I graduated I might be at least satisfied. If I get too skinny the dress won’t fit as nice but there is no way I can gain anymore weight. Thank goodness my meal plan for college only allows me to eat two meals a day and there’s a gym there.
I love summer vacation. 3 months to do whatever I want? Perfect. But I still can’t wait until September for college to start and for me to be completely on my own and in control of my life. I am scared and sad to be leaving my family behind, especially my little kitty and my mom, but I am excited. I wish I could have gotten a summer job. Maybe then I’d be better.
Maybe then I’d have lost all the weight by now.