Healing, Kind of

I’m on an all liquid diet until Monday. I can’t exercise until next weekend. It seems really easy to consume more calories in liquid form than in food form. I miss chewing…

But I really miss my exercise. I can’t wait to exercise again. I’m tired of sitting around and doing nothing and all I want to do is move. I know that while I’m recovering I shouldn’t be worrying about how many calories I’m consuming but I am.

I know that there will never come a day when I stop worrying about how I look completely. Part of my great desire to exercise is I’m addicted to the endorphins and another part is I will never feel like I’m enough until I get to my goal. Thankfully my goal isn’t something like lose 20 pounds and look like a skeleton like it was almost 2 years ago. I want to focus on being healthy, which is hard to do while you’re lounging on the couch all day watching every Wizards ever made on Disney Channel and eating gelato and jell-o and pudding. I feel great otherwise, I just want to get up and move!

I wish I could stop caring about how I look and how much I weigh and how many calories I’m eating and I know that some day I’ll be able to pay less attention to it but I wish that some day it could just go away completely. What am I going to do in June for Prom, or when I get married some day? What am I going to do when I get older and my muscles just naturally start going away? What am I going to do in college? I wish I could just get on with life without worrying. I wish I could just enjoy getting to be lazy and eat pudding and ice cream all day.

Stupid eating disorder.

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4 thoughts on “Healing, Kind of

    • Just since I got my wisdom teeth out I’ve had to eat soft foods so it’s like cream of wheat, fruit smoothies, juice, water, puddings, tomato soups, things like that. But I get to chew again tomorrow!

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