Accepting Myself

My last post I wrote about being too busy to really notice how my body was looking through my altered eyes. About an hour after posting that I started thinking about it. I was more conscious about how my clothes felt against my skin and how I felt when I would sit or lounge or lie on the couch snuggled up with my boyfriend. I started thinking and feeling my stomach and looking and I just felt like I was fat. I tweeted to ignore my “good body perception post” and that I need to stop jinxing it because I almost always have a reaction like this when I realize and acknowledge that I am feeling good about my body.

I told myself to just let it go and worry about it later if at all, and surprisingly I did it. I did not feel bad about the delicious ice cream I’d had earlier that day and I didn’t feel bad about dinner. I got home, weighed myself, and shrugged it off. I don’t work out on weekends but I didn’t feel bad about my weight at all. What I saw in the mirror actually looked pretty good. If it were bathing suit season right now I would feel pretty confident about going out to a beach in a bikini. But it’s not (it’s snowing) so I don’t have to do that just yet.

I know that my eating disorder came out of a number of things, one being genetics and another being my experiences that caused me to have low self-esteem and think that my worth relied on a number. Another being my weight being the only thing I could control in a world and surrounded by circumstances I had no control over. But on top of my brain telling me that my worth is based on a low number on the scale the media helps me figure out what I should look like at what weight. What happened to healthy models?

I found this article today:

It’s interesting. Why do people think that models need to be so thin now? What happened to people that look like Marilyn Monroe and the models from 40 years ago? I found old ads for products that promoted weight gain a while ago. Who decided that models have to be sticks?

Slowly now I am starting to accept my body as it is and I’m trying to focus on making my body healthier. I’m striving to become the best that I can be and working less on trying to look like some model in a magazine or on the internet.

I’m accepting myself slowly. I still have hard days but I have good days too.


What are your thoughts on the subject of modern models’ size?


5 thoughts on “Accepting Myself

  1. i am SO happy that you are beginning to accept yourself. no matter what pace you go at, at least it’s progress.

    and that article makes me so sick. a girl in my english class last year did a report on setting a minimum BMI for models and it makes so much sense. people look at those girls like they’re actually what it’s okay to look like

    • It’s sad that so many people do believe it is ok to look that way. I was one of them. I wish we could get them to stop, both the media and the people.

  2. Body acceptance can take a long time and isn’t easy to achieve – but the peace is so worth it. I do not like the distortion there is today at all. A lot of models aren’t really beautiful in my opinion, and the skinniness kind of makes me sick. I don’t understand it and wish that people would start appreciating what most people look like, because it’s beautiful, healthy, and normal!

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