October is Over

October is over! Well, sort of. We still have Halloween. What am I doing? I’m probably going to school in my leopard print skirt with my leopard print shoes and my leopard print cat ear headband. I gotta have some fun while I’m stressing out, right? I can’t get my brother to go trick-or-treating for me so I’ll have to do without candy this year. But what does it mean when October ends? It means we’re almost done with this year; that it’s almost Thanksgiving and Christmas; that it’s almost the end of first semester; that it’s almost the end of the school year!!! That I have AP tests coming up soon that I’m totally unprepared for thanks to my principles thinking you can still teach the entire curriculum for AP English Literature in half the instruction time… (still very, very angry). But the exciting thing is that Thanksgiving and Christmas are near. I think I’m going to start my Christmas shopping this week if I get a chance just so I can have it all done with. And I really like shopping for other people.

You know what else the end of October means? It means that it’s time for NaNoWriMo! I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to be participating for the first time. Is it a terrible, terrible idea? Probably. Do I care? Not really. Will I hate myself come the second week of November? Probably, but to be honest that won’t be much of a change (I know, I’m just a ball of sunshine). Do I know what I’m going to write about? Ehh. I have two ideas and while one of them has more of a plot and a structure I really like the idea of the other one. Not that I hate the first one. Gah! I have to figure it out tomorrow because come Tuesday I have to start writing some 1600+ words a day. I’m aiming for 2000 since I have a yearbook trip for about 5 days smack in the middle of November. Thank goodness this is about quantity and not quality because otherwise I would never get it done. I have the worst editor in my head that yells at me every time I write a sentence. That’s probably why I got away with never drafting essays in school and still getting A’s (up until now, that is). I don’t know how often I will be blogging in Novemeber since I’m already doing a butt load of writing but I will at least try to stick to my schedule which is something like every 2 or 3 days I post. It might be small, it might be picture filled, or a picture. We’ll see but I will still make time to read and comment on blogs, don’t worry! I’m excited, a little scared, and kind of already questioning the decision. Wish me luck!

Thanksgiving is scaring me, frankly. Last year I had a lot of fun because my boyfriend came along and we always go to my Aunt and Uncle’s up in Seattle and they are just the most fun people in the world. Click below for last year’s posts:

 Thanksgiving Part 1

Thanksgiving Part 2

However, this year I feel like I’m right back where I was about a year ago if not worse. Yes, I need to see a therapist but I don’t have time nor the money. Besides, I think my mom would like to put the entire year behind her even though she didn’t really do anything other than drive me all the way to Seattle Children’s about once a week for no reason whatsoever. It really has been a hard month and I don’t expect it to get much better any time soon.

I feel like I’m being kind of confusing here. One post says my life sucks and I’m depressed and the next is all fun and I’m happy and enjoying life! Here is what is going on in a nutshell: I am depressed. No big news there. I’ve spent a large majority of my life being depressed. In fact, I just learned something pretty depressing about my life. I’m used to crying a lot. I’m used to lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling and feeling absolutely worthless. But I have my good moments and sometimes I don’t feel like posting about my depressing life. That’s the beauty of writing; you can make it whatever the heck you want. You can make it sad or happy. That’s the beauty of all art, really. So I filter out the sad when I do my “Fun Stuff Friday” posts. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about my life like with “A Plea to the Children of America”. And sometimes I have to be honest with you all and that’s where you get about half of this post. I’m not doing the best. I have fun times like 3rd period in school with my friends all working on yearbook stuff and when I get to see my boyfriend on weekends, but most of the time I feel like shit and that’s just how it is right now. So I’m excited for NaNoWriMo. I’m excited to see my Aunt and Uncle on Thanksgiving. I’m not excited to be made fun of for being a veggie/vegan on Thanksgiving and eating a bunch, but I control how much I eat. I’m excited for the yearbook trip and for our first deadline even if it is scary close. I’m excited for Christmas. But being excited doesn’t make me happy all the time. There are some good times in my life that I enjoy but being depressed, well, means I’m depressed. I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I feel like it just had to be said.

This post took a depressing turn. I’m sorry about that. Tell me about your weekend!

Questions:

Do anything fun for Halloween?

Excited for October to be over? The year is going by fast!

Did I share too much with my depression paragraph?

For some reason I always, always, always want to add a “y” at the end of “paragraph” and I have to backspace. Random, but true.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “October is Over

  1. No, you didn’t share too much. I have totally been there, and still visit it every once in awhile, unfortunately. The tiniest bit of medication (and I mean the lowest dose physically possible) has helped. But there are still moments when I think things are just too overwhelming and what’s the point? Then Wonderbutt makes me laugh or Dimples gives me a hug, and I figure there doesn’t have to be a point as long as I get moments like these on a fairly regular basis.

    And, yes, you’re crazy to be doing NaNoWriMo – but I only say that because I’m not brave enough to try it yet.

  2. i just want to give you a big hug right now. you have overcome so much. it’s okay to have those up days and down days. all that matters is that at the end of the day, you won’t do anything to hurt yourself. and i totally don’t think you shared to much in your last paragraph. my favorite thing about the blogging community is their support so the more you share, the more they are able to support you. plus, i think too many bloggers don’t share enough. they keep a lot of their emotions inside. i have trouble with this too. you are so strong for sharing everything and we will all be here for you 100% of the way 🙂

  3. STu and I celebrated Halloween with my little sister. It was so much fun. 🙂

    No, I am not happy that OCT is over…I love the spirit of fall and Halloween. It makes me sad to realize how fast this year will be over….it is like this year just started yesterday and poof and now it’s gone. 😦

    Actually no, it is very comforting to read about someone talking about her depression. I have been struggling with my depression for a long time now and it can make me feel very alone especially when I feel that no one else is going through it. So please do feel free to share about your depression or struggles. It is not that I want you to be depressed or sad! It is just comforting to know that I am not the only one!!

    Good luck with the tests coming up!!

    XXX

  4. No, no..you didn’t share too much. You can never share too much with us. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I wish I could lend some helpful advice, but all I can say is to look forward to the upcoming months. You had so much fun years before, why let this one be any different? You’re surrounded by those who love you- both back home and through the blog. That’s a lot to be happy for right there. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s