>So Many Things in my Head!

>This past week was so full of stuff that I can’t even begin to . . . I can barely organize any of it! My school messed up my schedule for my senior year before I even turned in my course sign-up sheet. They are combining two year-long AP classes into one class, so I would be getting the equivalent of one semester’s worth of class time in a whole year. AP Literature and AP Government, I’m pretty sure, should have their own period and students should go every day, not every other day. I sent a letter to my school’s principal because I was pissed, and if you all remember this post at the very end where I sent a letter to the principal about the AP policy and how they weren’t handling it well and that I wanted it to be fixed for all of the students who are going to be screwed over if it stays this way and they blew me off, they did the same thing this time. Only this time, I wasn’t sending this email for all of the students that were going to have to suffer next year, I sent it for me. I’ve been looking forward to AP Literature since my sophomore year and even more so when I found out my AP English class was destroyed (I’m pretty sure I’m gonna fail the AP test and English and writing is my life!). This was his reply:

“Thanks for your well written email…..I have forwarded it to each academy principal….I appreciate you caring about ALL of our T—- B—– High School students…rk”

I deleted some of the name of my high school, but otherwise that is the email. Am I crazy, or is that comment at the end completely uncalled for? I do care about all the students, but next year is my senior year and I need to not go insane because my boyfriend will be in college and I don’t really have any other close friends. But, does he care about all of the students? AP classes are not meant to be every-other-day-split-with-another-class thing. I really enjoy how the teachers of these AP classes didn’t get a say, either, AND that they can’t even argue their side. Why do they insist on making them split? My mom is pretty angry, too, so we’re going to talk to the principals about it. The school principal pointed me out to one of the academy ones yesterday and I walked by glaring at them. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but I’m pissed!

I was freaking out by Wednesday when I got his reply and as a coping method, I took a nap for about 2 hours with my boyfriend. I sleep when I’m freaked out and don’t know what to do. I just don’t know how to deal with it and I don’t want to, so I sleep. I didn’t want to eat, either. I felt like I was being stupid and wrong and I wasn’t good enough or important so, of course, I fix that with not wanting to eat. My boyfriend wanted to eat because he was hungry, but wouldn’t eat without me, so eventually he threw a little cup of applesauce at me and told me to eat. I was pretty pissed and then really upset. I don’t ask for what I want because I feel selfish and then when I finally do, it’s wrong, so I’m getting mixed messages I guess. Stupid school. I can’t wait to graduate.

Second on my mind, my job interview about 2 whole weeks ago. I am freaking out about it! We had figured out that absolutely no one who had applied for food services (what I applied for) had been called back yet, not even returners. Well, my boyfriend, who worked there last year, was called yesterday and offered the job. Over 1,200 people applied for work at the park, and I am just freaking out that whenever they get around to calling me, it will be to say that all positions are filled. I don’t have any work or volunteer experience because ever since my little brother was born, I’ve had to take care of him. I can’t even see my friends because I have to babysit him all the time. I babysit some neighborhood kids, too, but I can’t get out to do volunteer work because I always have to babysit. I’m scared that will mean I’m less of a candidate for the job. I dressed up all fancy, and I saw people applying in sweats and a t-shirt with random piercings on their faces and gauges. I assume I’ll be contacted soon, but I don’t know what to do, honestly. I know I should probably just calm down and wait, but I’m still so nervous that it’s driving me crazy! I really need a job this summer. I need the money for college, and I need to get out of my house as much as humanly possible. Do you guys think I’ll get the job?
Third on my mind, is actually a little more positive. Yesterday my sister came over with an armful of dresses and a bag of clothes. I got an awesome pink sweater that I’m lounging in right now (it’s very fluffy), along with an Aeropostale sweatshirt and two white shirts that are very me. The dresses were for prom, which is less than a month away now. Out of all the dresses I tried on, we picked the first one I put on: a blue sparkly dress with a low back and a very long slit. It was actually the dress my sister wore to her prom. I’m very excited about it and I get to drive to shoe stores today and go shoe shopping with my mom. I’m very excited about my new clothes, my new dress, and for prom itself. My boyfriend was over when I was trying them on, and to each one he said, “Oo, that looks nice. I like that.” My mom and sister and I were laughing and he asks, “Am I being male?” Yes, honey, but I’d be concerned if you weren’t. 🙂
So many things going on, I actually left out some of the less important things from this blog. School, a job, and prom are the biggest things in my head and I don’t know what to do. Any advice or encouragement or reassurance?

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