>I Can’t Stand It

>I have a YouTube channel and have had a few people contact me on it regarding my recovery and any advice I have for them in going into recovery. It makes me happy to help people and it makes me smile to know that one less person will have to suffer from this any longer. But then I log onto blogger and read all of the blogs I follow and I can’t stand to see all of it! I removed my following from several of the pro-ana-I’m-going-to-destroy-myself-and-think-this-is-the-right-thing-to-do blogs that I used to follow because I can’t stand it. I used to be where you all are, but no longer. I still want to be skinny, but I don’t want to kill myself to get there. I just read an update on someone’s blog and everyone commenting are in the same situation as this poor woman, and none of them can see what is really going on. People who say their boyfriends/husbands call them fat or anything are just crazy. I used to be there, but I can see now that my boyfriend was trying to help me. The thing is, these girls who say their boy’s call them fat are lying in a way. The boy did not say, “you’re fat” or anything like it, but something like, “I can’t see your ribs,” or, “see that skinny girl over there? That’s what you look like,” and then they go on to say that the girl was very skinny, but that they aren’t there yet, or that not seeing ribs translates into “you’re fat.” Those are all lies!

What really bothers me is that I can’t do anything to help. I know posting my comments on their posts won’t do anything. Some state they want to be left alone and uncared for, even though that isn’t true. I know that the boys just want to help those girls, but they can’t see any of that. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, but I’m just flustered. I just finished reading all those updates and they drove me crazy! This is my experience and I can say with confidence that it is most definitely true for everyone else. I showed my boyfriend some of the thinspirations I used to watch and those Thirty-Two Kilos pictures, which I love just because they are satirical of real Thinspirations, and this was his reply:

“Those girls are freaking disgusting!”

And I believed him. I saw comments on Thinspirations on YouTube from guys saying how disgusting those girls were and asking why women wanted to look like that. I have read forums about skinny women vs curvy women and almost every single man who replied said they preferred curvy women. I didn’t believe them at first, but then my boyfriend said that, and I knew it had to be true. I don’t even know what to say at this point. I am removing all my “subscriptions” to pro-ana blogs and that is that, because I can’t just sit back and watch all you girls destroy yourselves.


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