>I’ve Never Felt this Way Before

>I’m not talking about love, as much as I’d like to be. I’m talking about being so depressed every single day that I have nearly cried in school several times. I was born depressed, but it has never been this bad and every day, at at least some point in the day, I end up digging my nails into my wrists (my nails are now cut short because they were breaking, so unless I find a razor, I’m going to go insane) and leaving big red marks and crying or almost crying at some point. I woke up this morning and weighed myself, as usual, and I went up 2 pounds from yesterday. All of a sudden there are 2 extra pounds and I don’t think I changed my diet at all yesterday. Must have been the fuckin lasagne and garlic bread. So, I’m skipping breakfast this morning and going for either coffee or hot chocolate, either one, I’ve got both in the house.

I’d really rather not go to school today. My life is a living hell and first period makes me want to throw myself against a wall where I’ll shatter into a million pieces and be no more. I have a TV Production class fourth period, and I’m switching out of my group into another with people who are, well, more tolerable and nice and not creepy (there is one guy in my group who is extremely creepy and I am pretty sure he has a creepy-boy crush on me). My boyfriend is in the class with me and so, we’re kind of like a package deal. Here’s the thing, the group I was originally in wants to keep my boyfriend and they figure they’ll only get him if they get me, too. So I’m not allowed to leave purely for the sake of keeping my boyfriend, but if we weren’t a package deal, they would have no problem at all letting me go. I don’t know why it bothers me that people I hate think I’m completely worthless (which, to some extent, I do believe I am), but I guess it’s because they’re stupid people that it bothers me so much.

I want to get through my Friday without wanting to cry, that would be so great, but I already have, so nevermind. Where the fuck did those two pounds come from? Well, gotta go ride the doombuggy to hell. Too bad I can’t ride it into the Haunted Mansion, I would so prefer that right now.

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One thought on “>I’ve Never Felt this Way Before

  1. jd says:

    >Fuck those two pounds. Our weight fluctuates up to five pounds a day. I know it's hard not to focus on the number but don't let it beat you down to hard.

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