>Surviving 100

>Well, it is official. For about a full week now I have weighed 100 pounds. It has taken me about 5-6 months to get up from 94 lbs to 100. I do not like it very much. While it does mean that I get to stop going to the hospital soon, I still do not like it. I actually have about 5-15 more pounds to go before I can stop going. My specialist wants me at 105, but my dietician wants me at 115. I am 5’2, so I think 100 is okay. Well, not really. I liked 94 a lot better, but no one else did.
So, I am surviving 100, somehow. Mainly I just try to ignore it. If I do not pay attention to it, then I am not as bothered by it. Sure, I still step on the scale every morning and evening, so that is not really ignoring it, but most of the time I have other concerns that distract me from worrying about my weight. I have heard recovery stories that say that they never really get rid of the anorexic thoughts, and I do not think I will ever be rid of them myself. I do not think I will ever be able to fully recover.
Surviving 100, what does that mean really? Just trying to make peace with it I suppose. Just trying to continue on my day without being so concerned about my weight. So I am trying. I ignore it, I concern myself with other things, or I submit to it and feel like crap. I hope that someday I will be okay with myself and how I look, but we will just have to wait and see.

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